Letter to my mother

Thank you for being there for me
Thank you for the best mom to me
You’ve shown me that no matter what
You’ll always be by my side
Even though what the world may think about me
You still remain there for me
You have always told me things will work out fine one day and I love you for that
I have not always seen what you meant by showing me right and wrong but now i know.
Thank you for your patience and faith in me
Thank you for not judging me when others find joy in doing so everyday
Thank you for your ongoing support and courage
Akekho ofana futhi ozofana nawe
Thank you for showing me that GOD really does exists
Seeing you so strong makes me even more stronger
May GOD Almighty bless you with years of fruitful life so that you can also see me successing
I still say it like you always do
KUZOLUNGA NGELINYE ILANGA
I love you so much and proud to be your daughter.!

Add a comment December 27, 2006

The fact remains!

The fact remains

There’s no point in blaming myself or anyone
The fact remains….
There’s no use in you asking me why i never told you because
The fact remains….
I tried, you had no time and you were always busy and occupied
I dont blame you either because no matter what
The fact remains….
I’m not looking for sympathy or feeling sorry things happened this way
Nothing anyone can say will change anything because
The fact remains….
I am now counted in the statiastics because
The fact remains….
Dont tell me i should have never allowed my story to be published
because….The fact remains….
You dont know how i feel-no one does and the
The fact remains….
Dont tell me what people might say or think because
The fact remains….
Its not going to change anything
Dont ask ask me who was my rapist because it makes me mad
But mad as i can be and for everyone’s sake and my own
Life goes on and still
The fact remains….that

I AM INFECTED!!!

3 comments December 27, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Tomorrow will be my birthday

It will be completion to 25 years of my pains, struggles, successes and sufferings. I should be happy and over the moon. I am now a big girl plus for the fact that my birthday is almost as the same with the SON of MAN himself should be a cherry on top. I have had a very good and bad days of my life just like anybody else in this world. It is only fair and the same time hurting, heartbreaking and overwhelming. Overwhelming that i have made it up to this far after all I’ve been through. (We all go through our daily moments but let me share mine with you):

Not so long ago i discovered that i was HIV+. I was attacked and raped far too many times in order for me to contract the virus. You see, the reason for that is that i am a woman who identifies as lesbian because of my involvement with a woman. My attackers and different rapists did so to show me how it is to be a woman. I often wonder and ask myself if all women including those who aren’t homosexual got raped in order for them to remain and stay “women”.
The irony to it all is that im still that lesbian bitch whom they wanted to show how it is to be a woman.It is worse cause the only thing they have done is install hate, fear and anger towards men in general. The most unforgiving thing that they have done and wont take away is that they have poisoned my blood with their HIV. I am saying this because with the rapes i can go for counsellings until it is dealt with maybe. But it is different when each time i have to swallow a the HIV medication. Even then i had to make a choice as to whether i remain at home dying and denying the fact that i was infected or do something about it. So being the person i am i chose to stand up and act on it. Another reason was that because we are mostly failed and judged by those we are relying and depending upon because of our sexuality. It may not be right to some but imagine having to go and lay a charge only for you not to be taken seriously by the police who let you know that you are also a “man”. And again by those whom are suppose to be protecting and supporting you as a sister. They are the ones who later tell you it is because you befriended your rapist that is why maybe you got raped and attacked by him (Your family). Yes, it is true i had befriended him but don’t you think if i had known i had befriended a neighbor who is a rapist i would have stayed away?

Not so long ago our country was celebrating the 16 Days of activism against women& child abuse. And to let you know this-I don’t know how many times I’ve denied myself sleep at nights to be part of the women who marched this country’s streets for people to recognized the needs of women to be taken seriously.
I was there when it all begun.The Jacob Zuma rape trial with my purple one in nine campaign T-shirt shouting support the 1 in 9 women who speak out! against their rapists. Still i was Lesbian. I cannot begin to count and calculate the times i have referred rape survivors who needed a shelter and a place to stay. THROUGH IT ALL I HAVE BEEN THE LESBIAN THAT I AM. To me it has never been about their sexuality but the fact that a woman is a woman. Hurt is hurt. As much as rape is rape regardless of my sexual preference. It is like it is AIDS is AIDS is AIDS thats why i stand up for solidarity with all women.

8 comments December 22, 2006

REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE

REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE FOR……I

Wrote stories for the nations to read
Stood without fear and told my story
I smiled and greeted without judging
I influenced positive living to the sick
I planted seeds of hope to the hopeless
I groomed and growed the younger ones whose parents died
I created artistic designes with my hands
I crafted and drew beautiful pictures
I installed educatioanl reasoning to some
I taught represented the minority to the majority
I made nations aware
I wronged some and made some happy
I survived against odds
I swallowed my medication even as hard as it was it was sometimes
I did so to remain strong and to llive my live regardless of my status
I fought for women to be taken into serious conideration by our government
I wrote and said “my” spoke word
I fought and showed many that there’s nothing wrong with being diabetic, epileptic and HIV
I represented many of the HIV infected lesbian sisters
I told the truth nevermind the judgements
I lived and I’m still living
I loved and prayed to my GOD
I prayed without hesitation , for , I believe/d
I was a big sister to my younger sisters
I listened to my mother’s teachings
I became friends with father
I’D DIE FOR MY FAMILY, I LOVED THEM SO!
I captured moments with my camera
I brought forth what was unseen to the nations through the power of image,pen and paper
I struggled to make it life
I was taken for a ride by some whom i thought were friends
I showed my rapist how strong i was regardless that he poisoned my blood with his HIV
I beieved and prayed
I stood low and respected all regardless of their age,colour and size
I say along with others
I had a unique voice
I had a message to deliver and a vision to see
I tried,i fell and i never succeeded sometimes
I was patient while to some i was strange
I was loved by some and was hated by some,STILL i did my thing
I loved and appreciated beautiful women
I loved her more than life itself
Some would say…
I am full shit! but spiritually i was full
I was fed with GOD’s glory that’s why I praised HIM
I praised HIM more than i praised friends
I am my mother’s daughter
I made history and marked historical books of this world
SO………
REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE!
FOR..without no doubt i’ll and i am in peace with my maker and creator.

6 comments December 13, 2006