HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
December 22, 2006
Tomorrow will be my birthday
It will be completion to 25 years of my pains, struggles, successes and sufferings. I should be happy and over the moon. I am now a big girl plus for the fact that my birthday is almost as the same with the SON of MAN himself should be a cherry on top. I have had a very good and bad days of my life just like anybody else in this world. It is only fair and the same time hurting, heartbreaking and overwhelming. Overwhelming that i have made it up to this far after all I’ve been through. (We all go through our daily moments but let me share mine with you):
Not so long ago i discovered that i was HIV+. I was attacked and raped far too many times in order for me to contract the virus. You see, the reason for that is that i am a woman who identifies as lesbian because of my involvement with a woman. My attackers and different rapists did so to show me how it is to be a woman. I often wonder and ask myself if all women including those who aren’t homosexual got raped in order for them to remain and stay “women”.
The irony to it all is that im still that lesbian bitch whom they wanted to show how it is to be a woman.It is worse cause the only thing they have done is install hate, fear and anger towards men in general. The most unforgiving thing that they have done and wont take away is that they have poisoned my blood with their HIV. I am saying this because with the rapes i can go for counsellings until it is dealt with maybe. But it is different when each time i have to swallow a the HIV medication. Even then i had to make a choice as to whether i remain at home dying and denying the fact that i was infected or do something about it. So being the person i am i chose to stand up and act on it. Another reason was that because we are mostly failed and judged by those we are relying and depending upon because of our sexuality. It may not be right to some but imagine having to go and lay a charge only for you not to be taken seriously by the police who let you know that you are also a “man”. And again by those whom are suppose to be protecting and supporting you as a sister. They are the ones who later tell you it is because you befriended your rapist that is why maybe you got raped and attacked by him (Your family). Yes, it is true i had befriended him but don’t you think if i had known i had befriended a neighbor who is a rapist i would have stayed away?
Not so long ago our country was celebrating the 16 Days of activism against women& child abuse. And to let you know this-I don’t know how many times I’ve denied myself sleep at nights to be part of the women who marched this country’s streets for people to recognized the needs of women to be taken seriously.
I was there when it all begun.The Jacob Zuma rape trial with my purple one in nine campaign T-shirt shouting support the 1 in 9 women who speak out! against their rapists. Still i was Lesbian. I cannot begin to count and calculate the times i have referred rape survivors who needed a shelter and a place to stay. THROUGH IT ALL I HAVE BEEN THE LESBIAN THAT I AM. To me it has never been about their sexuality but the fact that a woman is a woman. Hurt is hurt. As much as rape is rape regardless of my sexual preference. It is like it is AIDS is AIDS is AIDS thats why i stand up for solidarity with all women.
Entry Filed under: Journal