Goodbye Busisiwe: 23.12.81 – 12.03.07

Today we said goodbye to Busi. What was fitting was that her funeral service was held at Soweto’s largest Catholic Church, Regina Mundi

<blockquote>When protesting students were fired at by police on their way to Orlando Stadium on June 16 1976, and Hector Pieterson and many others were killed, the students fled for sanctuary to Regina Mundi. With buckets of water at the ready, they managed to douse the teargas canisters thrown into the church by police. But then police stormed the church, firing live ammunition. Although no one was killed, many were injured and the church’s sacred symbols were damaged. The broken marble alter, the bullet holes in the ceilings and the damaged figure of Christ all bear testimony to the terrible lack of restraint shown by police that day.

Regina Mundi has always been a home to the community of Soweto and has functioned as a centre for important community events. Anti-apartheid stalwart Dr Nthato Motlana once described Regina Mundi as “not just a church – it is the people’s church, the church of the nation”.
</blockquote>

Regina Mundi was Busi’s local church where she went every Sunday. She also was a fighter. She stood up and spoke out about all those things that most people do not want to hear. She was not afraid to stand up as say she was raped, declare her HIV status and that she was a woman who loved other women. I didn’t know her long but I have her face in my mind, her photos and most of all her words. On Friday, Breaking the Silence: positive Survivors – published by POWA as an annual writing competition, was launched and a piece by Busi was not only included but she received one of the prizes. She had everything going for her. I have not made many real friends here in South Africa – actually apart from V and M who are not even South Africans there are only two and Busi was one. I will REMEMBER YOU WHEN YOU ARE GONE.

<strong>
REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE FOR……I</strong>

Wrote stories for the nations to read
Stood without fear and told my story
I smiled and greeted without judging
I influenced positive living to the sick
I planted seeds of hope to the hopeless
I groomed and growed the younger ones whose parents died
I created artistic designes with my hands
I crafted and drew beautiful pictures
I installed educatioanl reasoning to some
I taught represented the minority to the majority
I made nations aware
I wronged some and made some happy
I survived against odds
I swallowed my medication even as hard as it was it was sometimes
I did so to remain strong and to llive my live regardless of my status
I fought for women to be taken into serious conideration by our government
I wrote and said “my” spoke word
I fought and showed many that there’s nothing wrong with being diabetic, epileptic and HIV
I represented many of the HIV infected lesbian sisters
I told the truth nevermind the judgements
I lived and I’m still living
I loved and prayed to my GOD
I prayed without hesitation , for , I believe/d
I was a big sister to my younger sisters
I listened to my mother’s teachings
I became friends with father
I’D DIE FOR MY FAMILY, I LOVED THEM SO!
I captured moments with my camera
I brought forth what was unseen to the nations through the power of image,pen and paper
I struggled to make it life
I was taken for a ride by some whom i thought were friends
I showed my rapist how strong i was regardless that he poisoned my blood with his HIV
I beieved and prayed
I stood low and respected all regardless of their age,colour and size
I say along with others
I had a unique voice
I had a message to deliver and a vision to see
I tried,i fell and i never succeeded sometimes
I was patient while to some i was strange
I was loved by some and was hated by some,STILL i did my thing
I loved and appreciated beautiful women
I loved her more than life itself
Some would say…
I am full shit! but spiritually i was full
I was fed with GOD’s glory that’s why I praised HIM
I praised HIM more than i praised friends
I am my mother’s daughter
I made history and marked historical books of this world
SO………
REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE!
FOR..without no doubt i’ll and i am in peace with my maker and creator.

AMEN!

Thanks to all those who of you who posted comments at Black Looks to acknowledged Busi’s life and sent her your blessings – it has helped a great deal.

Your friend Sokari

I think it would be wonderful if Busi’s short life could be celebrated by people using Busi’s space as a palce to write their own stories and poems. I dont know if that will happen but it would be wonderful if it did. If anyone wants poems published here in memory of Busi please email me at info@blacklooks.org and I will post the poem or story as long as it fits in with What Busi stood for. I am sure she would love that and I believe she is there watching over all of us that passed through her life. She knows who is who and who is not!

7 comments March 17, 2007

The sun is shining once again!

I had never thought a day would come when i will be so happy
Its scary, excitng and unbelievable
I had never thought i’d rgain my inner srtnght again
BUT today like a child i’m feeling
Happy. happy to be alive.Happy, happy to realise
The sun will shine once again
No tears of sadness shall i cry
Only tears of of jot will have to rain from now on
It feels so good to be alive-For the first time in ages
The sun is shining once again
I came across a butch of people.They were talking relating their stories
Like my stories I felt the connection
GOD is so great! I feel
“Wise minds think alike they say”
If I am not that intelligent,why do these people believe in me?
If I am not that capable, why do they offer such great works to be done by my capable hands?
I am happy, happy to realise GOD created for a purpose
I came across my EX she was with this man,pretending not to see me
I called out her name, she looked back and answered
“I didnt notice you” sorry
How are you doing ? I asked
“She good my capable hands,I buy her everything she wants” he replied
I am her man.
She turns her head to the side and tells him “Leave it lets,go”
It doesnt bother me instead, even if he buy her, buy her love
Even if she open wide for him
There is never love and direction
Its just her money making way of life in life…
It makes me realise-there was never she and I
There were just beer bottles,cigarette smoking and only sex between the two us,
I also made happy then
This is partly why I’m so happy
It makes me realise- I have grown so much
I am now a big girl-I have focus in life
I know what I want and its definately no her
I know my baby aint nothing like that
She’s a grown, respected, intelligent woman who knows what she wants out of life and out of us
I am happy-happy to be alive
I am happy to realise that
I’ve come a long way and from now on there’s no turning back
Phambili siyaya, Phambili ngiyaya!!
Happiness cures the br

1 comment February 9, 2007

New Beginnings!

Such an amazing love!
So much beautifying glory!
Such an honouring gift
All so gracious and diving
A crafted master creation
A beautiful art piece
Given and authorised by the master creator Himself
All salutes to the most High for providing
Maximum respect to the one who providing
For taking away the miseries
For providing natural happiness
For giving wisdom… a woman, a Goddess and Empress
For whispering the sweetest words which calms down even the heaviest waves of the Nile rivers
For shouting Quite! to the heavier storms of the pacific
For making it all possible through the power of the holy trinity….
The Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit
Word, Sound and Power … for ….
He spoke and it all came true
He commanded then wonders were designed
He said and all beings came to existance
Who can compare?
Who can sit in His throne?
Who grows wild trees and make stronger their branches and waters them?
Who heals the sick and takes away their inner piercing pains?
None can make the birds sing and create melodic tunes except for Him
Doesnt He deserve all the glory and praise
What an amazing love!!
For…..
New Beginings!

3 comments January 2, 2007

Letter to my mother

Thank you for being there for me
Thank you for the best mom to me
You’ve shown me that no matter what
You’ll always be by my side
Even though what the world may think about me
You still remain there for me
You have always told me things will work out fine one day and I love you for that
I have not always seen what you meant by showing me right and wrong but now i know.
Thank you for your patience and faith in me
Thank you for not judging me when others find joy in doing so everyday
Thank you for your ongoing support and courage
Akekho ofana futhi ozofana nawe
Thank you for showing me that GOD really does exists
Seeing you so strong makes me even more stronger
May GOD Almighty bless you with years of fruitful life so that you can also see me successing
I still say it like you always do
KUZOLUNGA NGELINYE ILANGA
I love you so much and proud to be your daughter.!

Add a comment December 27, 2006

The fact remains!

The fact remains

There’s no point in blaming myself or anyone
The fact remains….
There’s no use in you asking me why i never told you because
The fact remains….
I tried, you had no time and you were always busy and occupied
I dont blame you either because no matter what
The fact remains….
I’m not looking for sympathy or feeling sorry things happened this way
Nothing anyone can say will change anything because
The fact remains….
I am now counted in the statiastics because
The fact remains….
Dont tell me i should have never allowed my story to be published
because….The fact remains….
You dont know how i feel-no one does and the
The fact remains….
Dont tell me what people might say or think because
The fact remains….
Its not going to change anything
Dont ask ask me who was my rapist because it makes me mad
But mad as i can be and for everyone’s sake and my own
Life goes on and still
The fact remains….that

I AM INFECTED!!!

3 comments December 27, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Tomorrow will be my birthday

It will be completion to 25 years of my pains, struggles, successes and sufferings. I should be happy and over the moon. I am now a big girl plus for the fact that my birthday is almost as the same with the SON of MAN himself should be a cherry on top. I have had a very good and bad days of my life just like anybody else in this world. It is only fair and the same time hurting, heartbreaking and overwhelming. Overwhelming that i have made it up to this far after all I’ve been through. (We all go through our daily moments but let me share mine with you):

Not so long ago i discovered that i was HIV+. I was attacked and raped far too many times in order for me to contract the virus. You see, the reason for that is that i am a woman who identifies as lesbian because of my involvement with a woman. My attackers and different rapists did so to show me how it is to be a woman. I often wonder and ask myself if all women including those who aren’t homosexual got raped in order for them to remain and stay “women”.
The irony to it all is that im still that lesbian bitch whom they wanted to show how it is to be a woman.It is worse cause the only thing they have done is install hate, fear and anger towards men in general. The most unforgiving thing that they have done and wont take away is that they have poisoned my blood with their HIV. I am saying this because with the rapes i can go for counsellings until it is dealt with maybe. But it is different when each time i have to swallow a the HIV medication. Even then i had to make a choice as to whether i remain at home dying and denying the fact that i was infected or do something about it. So being the person i am i chose to stand up and act on it. Another reason was that because we are mostly failed and judged by those we are relying and depending upon because of our sexuality. It may not be right to some but imagine having to go and lay a charge only for you not to be taken seriously by the police who let you know that you are also a “man”. And again by those whom are suppose to be protecting and supporting you as a sister. They are the ones who later tell you it is because you befriended your rapist that is why maybe you got raped and attacked by him (Your family). Yes, it is true i had befriended him but don’t you think if i had known i had befriended a neighbor who is a rapist i would have stayed away?

Not so long ago our country was celebrating the 16 Days of activism against women& child abuse. And to let you know this-I don’t know how many times I’ve denied myself sleep at nights to be part of the women who marched this country’s streets for people to recognized the needs of women to be taken seriously.
I was there when it all begun.The Jacob Zuma rape trial with my purple one in nine campaign T-shirt shouting support the 1 in 9 women who speak out! against their rapists. Still i was Lesbian. I cannot begin to count and calculate the times i have referred rape survivors who needed a shelter and a place to stay. THROUGH IT ALL I HAVE BEEN THE LESBIAN THAT I AM. To me it has never been about their sexuality but the fact that a woman is a woman. Hurt is hurt. As much as rape is rape regardless of my sexual preference. It is like it is AIDS is AIDS is AIDS thats why i stand up for solidarity with all women.

7 comments December 22, 2006

REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE

REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE FOR……I

Wrote stories for the nations to read
Stood without fear and told my story
I smiled and greeted without judging
I influenced positive living to the sick
I planted seeds of hope to the hopeless
I groomed and growed the younger ones whose parents died
I created artistic designes with my hands
I crafted and drew beautiful pictures
I installed educatioanl reasoning to some
I taught represented the minority to the majority
I made nations aware
I wronged some and made some happy
I survived against odds
I swallowed my medication even as hard as it was it was sometimes
I did so to remain strong and to llive my live regardless of my status
I fought for women to be taken into serious conideration by our government
I wrote and said “my” spoke word
I fought and showed many that there’s nothing wrong with being diabetic, epileptic and HIV
I represented many of the HIV infected lesbian sisters
I told the truth nevermind the judgements
I lived and I’m still living
I loved and prayed to my GOD
I prayed without hesitation , for , I believe/d
I was a big sister to my younger sisters
I listened to my mother’s teachings
I became friends with father
I’D DIE FOR MY FAMILY, I LOVED THEM SO!
I captured moments with my camera
I brought forth what was unseen to the nations through the power of image,pen and paper
I struggled to make it life
I was taken for a ride by some whom i thought were friends
I showed my rapist how strong i was regardless that he poisoned my blood with his HIV
I beieved and prayed
I stood low and respected all regardless of their age,colour and size
I say along with others
I had a unique voice
I had a message to deliver and a vision to see
I tried,i fell and i never succeeded sometimes
I was patient while to some i was strange
I was loved by some and was hated by some,STILL i did my thing
I loved and appreciated beautiful women
I loved her more than life itself
Some would say…
I am full shit! but spiritually i was full
I was fed with GOD’s glory that’s why I praised HIM
I praised HIM more than i praised friends
I am my mother’s daughter
I made history and marked historical books of this world
SO………
REMEMBER ME WHEN I’M GONE!
FOR..without no doubt i’ll and i am in peace with my maker and creator.

5 comments December 13, 2006

no one can take that away from me!

The beautiful soul that i am
The creative genius that i am
The artist i was born to be
The good writer that i doubted
The storyteller and the original educator
Born to change the world, yes, i was
Born to relate my own happenings and mishaps
Given by GOD Almighty Himself
Its’s true i say “no one can take that awy from me”
The reviver of dead minds
The bearer of good news
The true master mind but, not a proud one.because
I only live to make myself and my GOD proud.
As for the people who are gossiping,muttering words and calling me names behind my back
Fuck them I say!
I was born like this
I was born to tell my tales
I give love to the people, my people
Black women of the continent of Africa
I shall be free one day
Free from the negative,stereotyped,crowded fucked up situations we live in.
A home we should call it.Well, its not for some of us
Its three roomed housed containers with walls closed up and closing up people’s minds
Because they believe, yes they believe
A man needs to work which is why every end of the month
He drowns himself in a beer drum & fights with the rest of the street and his family
He calls her names and tells her she’s a bitch
Because he buys her food, she dont see nothing wrong
Well, i refuse to tolerate such animals
Because i am a true and original Blessed queen
A woman full of love
A Goddess born to change their mindests
It is with me that they will realise
She was born for a reason
She was created for love, by love, for a woman
The woman within a woman
No one can take that away from me
I am who I am!!!

4 comments November 24, 2006

MY GOD IS….

No matter what they say my GOD is…

A mighty mastermind
A true, honest, powerful provider
An undefeatead conquerer
A fearless warrior
A faithful and trustworth creator
An honourable and divine father
Who deserves to be bowed to because HE is
A respectful and clearly watch upon nations
He is a healer and is merciful
He is comforting, a true royalty
He is majestic ruler
He is the light and shines bright even in the darkest days, minutes, hours and deserts
He deserves all the glory!
He deservers all the praise!
He is a giver, no teacher compares to him!
He is a home builder
He mends the broken spirits, hearts and souls
He never abondens HIS children
His voice roars like a thunder and the evil is shunted away
Who wouldnt like to be counted as one of his own?
Who wouldnt want to blessed and embraced by such love?
As for me. I shall raise my hands high up to the skies and shout his name
I shall without fear call out to him and let the nations know of his incredable works and his love
I shall stand before everyone and wont be afraid and
No matter what they say,My GOD is My GOD
My protector! My provider ! My healer! My Strenght! and
I shall always pray to never abonden
His Love! His Teachings! and
His Wisdom!!!! for
MY GOD is….MY GOD

1 comment November 20, 2006

TEARS IN THE SISTER’S EYES

She’s been hurt , harmed and destroyed by these dogs called”men”

Marks and scrars never to disappear have bee left in her body.

She’s been taken for a ride and made to believe she was going to win this time around,by our falsely imposed justice system….the fucked up justice system!

One keeps on asking and wondering….When is is all gonna go away?

When will women be taken into serious consideration by our country,its citizens, the gorvenment and its ministers?

You’re beaten up,raped and molested

Yet, no matter how hard you cry no matter how high you scream…

They just keep on passing you by.

They enjoy your screams. laugh about it. they mock you.call you names.

They praise their stupidity and foolishness about you.

They share their cowardly insults about you while forgetting the most importnt lessosons to be learned and perceived in life about life…love each one as brothers&sisters  so did say GOD!

Never had I though I’ll see the day  when tears will be be rolling like that from her eyes.

 Never had I thought I’ll see her break down like that in front of so many of us BECAUSE she had always appeared to be one hell of a strong woman

She had always managed to calm my bleding and troubled heart

She had always comforted the troubled being within me and many others

She held me,when I cried so many times

She whispered songs and poetic melodical tunes for my once battered, bruised and rejected soul.

Tihngs  change in life…people change.

People take advantage,they turn to use others

They always change your perception about life, in life

They therefore inflect poisonous and painful bruises into the dept of your heart.

Being despite is the only contibution towards your life,they turn to bring forth

Hating living and ling to hate is all that they manage to do.BUT reality is-

GOD created you and GOD knows the best

Forgive and forget..they say BUT how could you?

Forgive? yes ,but forget? it can take /takes life time…i mean

She’s been hurt

She’s been taken advantage of

She’s been crying and yet nothing has been done about it

Except! her will and right to llive a normal life like any another human in this world

She’s been misjudged and made to become a victim and a statistic

Asking why it had to happen does and wont help

Having and holding grudges is still a mystery and misert within.

BUT like she once comforted me, like she once told me

“ALL WILL BE OKAY” I stil say-

Dont ever change because of them

Stand up for who you are and the tears in that woman’s eyes will disappear

Strongly as women,we shall overcome

We shall win win the battles against these “dogs” and the country’s corrupt system

The tears on my my sister’s eyes will DRY! (more…)

1 comment November 15, 2006

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